Eeegads ---- today I was THAT girl

OK - so we all know we shouldn't stereotype but we do. And we all know we certainly should never talk smack about any given stereotype because that is pretty much guaranteeing that one day - we will become that stereotype - even if only for a second. You know what I mean, "I would never feed McDonald's to my one year old!" and then lo and behold - baby #3 comes along and well - her sisters are eating McDonald's and she grabs some and likes it so yeah I start ordering her her own Happy Meal. Or, "I can't stand moms who bring their younger kids to their older kid's school functions" - yeah, been there done that too but I do try to only do it when it is absolutely unavoidable.

Well - today I became that girl that annoys me to no end - the one who breaks down into a weepy mess on the last day of Bible Study over something that is really not that huge of a deal. Yep - I had a total meltdown around 10:30 this morning. BUT in my defense - I had only about 4 hours of sleep last night (thank you stress+husband working night shift+cranky Allison) and THEN I left my big huge cup of coffee at home. AND I started my period yesterday so today the cramps and general ickiness were in full force. AND oh - it is rainy and cold here AGAIN. So anyway - Melena passes around the prayer request notebook and I have every intention of asking for prayers for my friend Alana who is attempting to adopt from Vietnam. But yesterday evening I spent a good 30 minutes researching the city of Winston-Salem, North Carolina only to be told later the reason prompting my research no longer existed. So I chose to ask for prayers for myself instead. I ended up emailing my buddy Angela later that night (because she would understand the situation) and began my vent which apparently only loosened the flood gates for what would pour forth today.

Here's the deal - there is stress in my life right now that I am "not allowed to discuss". Dell-related stress. It has been going on for some time now and I have been doing pretty good at handling the roller coaster but today, the wheels finally came off. Last night as I lay crying in bed from sheer exhaustion I remember that our prayer requests are bound to secrecy at Bible Study. What we say there is not to be repeated, not to husbands, not even to other women in the church. If you want it shared you can tell others they can share it but if it needs to remain private then everyone honors that. Today was our last day - we had a little extra time so we got to share our requests verbally and expand upon them. And that's when I became that annoying, weepy, fragile woman who cries at Bible Study. It was bad - the gal next to me had to dig out tissues. Lucky for me I didn't even get around to more than powder and lipstick this morning so there were no trails of mascara.

But oh did it feel good to finally share the burden - to finally let out all the stress and anxiety. And then I saw another Dell wife at Amy's pre-school today. I usually do no more than say "hi" to her. Our husbands go out for beer and chicken wings probably once a week but she and I have never really connected. But for whatever reason, most likely a prompting from the Holy Spirit, I blurt out to her that thanks to her husband's words to my husband I spent 30 minutes frantically researching North Carolina only to have the reason yanked back. She gave me that look of "You TOO?!?!" and come to find out - she is feeling pretty much the same as me. So stressed and yet totally unable to talk to anyone. Can't believe she and I never figured out we could talk to one another!!!!! DUH!!!!! I am sooooooo getting their home phone number from David!!!!!!

So that was my day - I am totally and completely worn out. I am not going to clean, I am not going to fold the laundry in the dryer, I am not going to pack Audrey's lunch. I am however going to get in my jammies and then curl up on the couch with a HUGE glass of wine (or 2) and watch something totally mindless on TV ..........