Which way do I go? Which way do I go?

ARGH! I am feeling so conflicted!!!!! I need to start making decisions but I just can't. I feel like I have no clarity right now on which direction is the best for me.

It looks like the eSylvan thing is done. This is what I got back:

"Below is an email that was sent out on 8/25/09 outlining the requirements for setting up your Master Schedule. You'll notice that fall hours are listed as these are our official hours of operation. You are more than welcome to add hours that fall outside of this timeframe once the initial 10 hours are on your MS during official business hours.

Please make the necessary adjustments to your schedule as soon as possible."

Let me just stop to point out a few things here:
1) The copy of the email from 8/25 was NOT pasted below nor was it attached to the email.

2) I looked back through all my saved emails. On 8/25 I was still waiting to hear if I had been given the Lead Teacher role and was pretty much assuming I would get it. I had been called back for a 2nd interview and I had also been contacted and asked to provide info for a background check and also provide a copy of my teaching certificate.

3) Only certain teachers can teach the daytime hours that I have on my master schedule. We have higher observation scores and we have been through extra training to teach this category of students.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

But what do I do? Do I fight to keep a job that I enjoy less and less each day? Or do I just walk away?

Part of me wants to fight because this is just wrong. I am needed. I am one of the better teachers. I have been with this company for EIGHT YEARS in February. I serve a purpose in their schedule. I am one of the few teachers remaining that has a current teaching certificate. In the summer they are most likely going to lose a big chunk of teachers because they said they will require everyone to have current certification and most gals aren't going to pay to renew a certificate to teach "behaviorally challenged" students for pennies.

But the other part of me says walk away - maybe even run - singing "My chains are gone! I've been set free!!!"

But then what will David think? What will he say? It will be the first time I have not contributed to our family income. I didn't work for the first few months of Audrey's life but then I started watching another little boy, and then I started that textbook job and then the tutoring.

Is God calling me to this? I have been offered a position - a volunteer position - with an organization I love. Am I supposed to take that? Is that supposed to be my new "job"?

Is it leaping out in faith and trusting God to walk away from tutoring and take the volunteer position? Or am I being selfish? Will me not working cause David to stress and therefore put a strain on our marriage?

And really - why did all this poop have to hit the fan at Christmas?!?!? I am trying to decorate the house and buy gifts and be jolly here and all I can do is panic and worry about the future.

UGH!!!!!