Not My Best Day

No ultrasound today ... no pictures .....

My sweet friend agreed to watch the girls for me - even though her kids (well the ones that are the same age as mine anyway) were at a class for the majority of the time they would be there.

I drive 30 minutes to some hospital I've never been to and navigate the parking and find my building. I get up there - sign in and sit.  I finally get called back and it's genetic counseling time.  I didn't want this, I thought I didn't have to do it - figured it was some sort of pre-req to get the ultrasound so I went with it.  It was pretty much the same as when I had it done 10 YEARS AGO ... ugh ...... Big difference is how much my chances have increased now that I am the ripe old age of 40. Listening to and looking at those numbers was NOT fun, not fun at all. So we get through all that and then she's talking about when I come back tomorrow. So finally I interrupt and say, "I'm confused.  As far as I know I don't have an appointment tomorrow.  I was told it was today."  She just looks me in the face and tells me it's tomorrow.  I was not thrilled.  So then she says she'll see if they can work me in today.  So back to the waiting room she sends me.  Then she says they can't work me in - calls central scheduling and tells them I need to reschedule my appointment.  I know it's silly but I was pissed that she still isn't acknowledging that THEY told me it was TODAY. Anyway - she then hands the phone to me and even though it is THEIR FAULT the gal on the other line treats me like a spoiled princess who wants to rearrange things. Grrrrr .. finally get rescheduled for July 6. 

GREAT!  Just peachy!  You spend 30 minutes telling me all about my increased risks and THEN I get to sit on this info for a WEEK before I can see anything.... UGH!

Still stressing - still nervous - really, really, really want to SEE this baby and SEE that everything is going the way it should so far .....

So by dinner time I was feeling pretty deflated.  Feeling fat - feeling frumpy - feeling irresponsible for getting pregnant when I am fat and forty - feeling like I am letting my other chidlren down because I am so tired I can't do as much with them as I should.  Feeling like I let my husband down because I "have let myself go" and because I can't contribute to the family income for another year or two .....

I think I need do some Stuart Smalley daily affirmations here - lol

"I'm good enough (to be pregnant)
I'm smart enough ( to be a good mother and a good wife)
And GOSH DARN IT! People like me!"