You know that "Rat King" that Maria/Clara hits with her shoe in the Nutcracker? You know how he supposedly dies? Well I think he came back as Chuck E Cheese and his sole purpose is to drive sane adults mad. I think all that you inevitably endure at a visit to Chuck E Cheese could only come from the twisted mind of a German author. Perhaps they are all collectively in on it together somehow ...... (have any of you ever read the original Nutcracker story? I had to for one of my German courses in college - it is a freaky weird story my friends ...)
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If you follow me on Facebook then you know that this past weekend I endured TWO 4 year old birthday parties at Chuck E Hell. TWO BACK TO BACK PARTIES! The first party began at 11 and then next was set to start at 1:30. It was a Sunday. Normally I say no to Sunday parties. Call me backwards, call me odd, call me what you will, but to me - Sunday's are for church and family. HOWEVER - I already knew David, Audrey and Amy would probably be skipping church as they would be at their Father-Daughter dance the night before and I knew no one was going to be up and moving early the next morning. And then, the invites came from the two girls Allison seems to hang with the most in her pre-school class. We got one invite way ahead of the other, it was an eVite so the other mom already knew I had replied "yes". When we got the 2nd one I didn't say anything to Allison, I thought maybe I could somehow get out of it and only attend the one. But darn it all if the mom didn't catch me in the hallway and bring it up in front of the kids. I was stuck! ARGH!
So I made sure to stock up on my favorite wine, I bought the gifts and then began praying for another major snow storm to hit.
No snow and for once, I was actually kinda bummed about it. Me - wishing for snow - does this show you how evil Chuck E Cheese is?
The first party began at 11 but I made sure we were late and we got there close to 11:20 It was loud. It was crowded. It was filled with the dregs of society and don't even get me started on my suspicions about the level of germs in that place! We made it through party #1. Allison wouldn't eat any of the pizza. She wouldn't drink any of the toxic looking punch. She clung to me in utter fear when Chuck E came out to sing and celebrate with the birthday kids. And then it was time to try and spend the ridiculous amount of tokens they give you. That place is such a freak circus. The place is crawling with trashy parents who let their kids refill their drinks with whatever they choose and as often as they like. Hyper children who are ill behaved on a good day and are now stimulated to insane levels AS WELL AS high on caffeine and sugar. Oh it is so fun! Add to that the blaring music and the noise from the games and all the blinking lights ....
After Allison was completely over stimulated and worn out it was time to head back for party #2. More pizza and toxic punch that she wouldn't touch. More death grips on me when the evil rat king made his appearance. And this time were SO LUCKY. Our party table was right next to a table full of gangsters and thugs there to celebrate what I can only guess was a little gangster-in-training's FIRST birthday. Who the heck has a FIRST BIRTHDAY at Chuck E Cheese? Your child will eventually ask to have a party there. WHY OH WHY would you do it when they can't even ask you for it yet? Yeah, we left after the gifts were opened this time. I brought home a cup full of tokens AND unredeemed tickets ....David literally had the wine waiting for me when I walked in and I will fully admit to having 3 glasses that evening. Don't you judge me .... I spent THREE HOURS in hell my friends. THREE HOURS!!!
Here is a short list of some of the wonderful things I saw that day:
One of the other moms and I watched a little boy who was maybe 3 or 4 years old start to climb up the outside of the large spiral slide. No parent, no family friend was anywhere in sight. I couldn't take it, I started making my way to him. Beore I can get to him he slides off the top and crashes FACE FIRST into another game. At this point mom finally shows only to yell at him for climbing on the slide and pull him by one leg out from under the slide.
I saw two scary-ugly women sitting in a booth greedily counting their tokens and tickets. One dressed in a Steelers football jersey and sweats and the other in what I SWEAR was pajamas and SOCKS! One token rolled off the table and they went into a FRENZY trying to get it back before .... I don't know what ... someone else took it? a band of cockroaches carried it off? Who knows
And then - the best part of my day - I saw a rather formidable bleach blonde, trailer park trash woman get into it with a manager because, I think, someone cleared her food from the table before she was done? Or because someone moved her unattended plate from one table to another? Crazy noise level in the place makes it darn near impossible to eaves drop properly!! It looked like she was eventually asked to leave the premises and the kicker?!?!? I didn't see a kid leave with her. WTF??? She was at Chuck E Cheese for lunch because ??????? they have such great prices? the environment is so enjoyable??
It will be a l-o-n-g time before this mom endures another visit to Chuck E Cheese and when I do it will be on a week day and we will get there when they open and we will leave before the lunch rush hits .....
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